not sexual abuse, but definitely inappropriate

This memory nags me like crazy. I've never shared it with anyone, I don't think even with [Husband]. There was no sexual intent, I am sure of that, but it was just very inappropriate and best and cruel at worst. I just wonder what people would have to say about this. I have this sick, nervous feeling as I write this. This is one of the reasons I've asked people not to share this with my sister. My father always used to make fun of my sister's weight. I've written about all the 'Fatty' and 'Auntie Jemima' stuff. He was never just normal and nice. If he was angry he was raging or not talking to us. When he was in a 'good' mood, he was kind of manic, and would tease relentlessly. One time, when I was like in 8th or 9th grade, so she would have been about in 6th or 7th, we were in the kitchen and he was making fun of her weight again. This was when he was in one of his 'good' moods. He had his hands under her shirt, grabbing her belly, and was pinching her fat, and was saying "Let's see what we have here. Let's explore a little bit." I guess that word "explore" is what bothers me. He didn't touch her chest, and I know that despite all his cruelty, he was not sexually abusive (although he tried to force us to sit with him and lie down next to him just to be affectionate with him, which is something he longed for). What bothers me about it is that it was when I had started reading those teenage and pre-teen trash novels, and they used that word when people were doing pre-sexual stuff. I know he didn't mean it that way, it was just a bad choice of words with his English, but using that word and pinching under her shirt is just a very sick memory. It's something that bothered me then and bothers me now. When I am OK, I don't obsess on those things, but now that my brain is deluged in negativity, I am not only thinking about it, I feel sick. I have so much shame as I write this, but anybody who thinks they like me should know me for what I really am.