achievement

One of my very biggest regrets in life, one that I have written about before, is that I threw away my academics and opportunity in my college years.  This weighs very heavily on my mind whether or not I'm depressed, but I do tend to think about it quite a bit during low periods.  This is because it is a result of being severely restricted when in the presence or proximity of my father.  I offer this only as an explanation, rather than an excuse, for my academic and aspirational apathy.  I take full responsibility for not studying, not caring about grades, not taking the right classes, and just partying.  I deeply regret this. That said, things turned out OK.  I was able to find a low paying but respectable job in social work and finally had the satisfaction of paying my own way.  I didn't have much, but I didn't want or need much.  Theoretically, there was a lot of money in my name to which I had access, and my mom would always give me checks, but I didn't need or use them.  I just deposited them.  I got to go out and party and have nobody to answer to. After I met [Husband], I lucked into moving to the Silicon Valley at a favorable time.  He talked me into taking some computer classes at Foothill College, a thought which terrified me, but turns out he was right that I'd do well at logic stuff.  Through a friend I tutored with, I ended up landing a job at a decent consulting company and did well there.  I also saw that I ended up n the same place with people who had gone to respectable schools and done well in those schools.  Same when I moved on to Sun. Also, if I had done really well, had been really driven, and ended up with an advanced degree, I might feel better about myself today, but I'm not sure my family life would be what it is and how I like it.  I imagine that I would either have just worked really hard and not see my husband and kids as much as I do now or I would feel more regret about giving so much up if I chose to have kids and stay at home.  As it turns out, I did feel like I was giving up a promising career, but the economy went to shit anyway and a lot of people lost jobs, even highly educated, highly qualified employees.  And I have not had to deal with added conflict in my marriage from the stress of working a high pressure job and ot being able to balance work and family. I still regret those mistakes, but I guess I am trying to mitigate the guilt by tniing it through this way....