feeling better - thank you

I'm feeling better this morning, for a few reasons, I think. I've been busy , maybe my mood is biologically lifting (more dopamine & norepinephrine coursing through my brain?) and the blogging has been a bit of a relief. I'd have to say that undoubtedly, though, a huge part of the help has been from the very kind, supportive words I've gotten from my wonderful friends. I must say, I feel a little weird about putting all that stuff out there, and wonder how I'm going to look at some people again next time I see them. I wonder if I look like a total ass, but as I've told many psychiatrists and counselors, I've felt like I should wear a "LOSER" tattoo on my forehead, so revealing myself in this way is similar. I've also not wanted undue kindness or pity. Maybe what I need is a verbal kick in the ass to straighten out my thoughts. I mean, how can I be depressed when I have 3 beautiful healthy children (or I guess 2 beautiful healthy daughters and one goofy-looking healthy son), no financial worries at a time when the economy is going down the drain, and so many supportive friends? Anyway, I just want everyone to know that I'm not putting my life out there to solicit sympathy - I am just desperate for my family's sake to be mentally healthy, and I'm hoping that somebody can help me where so many counselors and psychiatrists have failed. I finally figured out how to fix the comment moderation so that anybody can comment, even without a google account. Thank you all for the emails, though. And I have to say that reading my friend Lisa's comment was very insightful and helpful. I plan to discuss it with her offline later. Poor Lisa used to work for my father. (Everyone always tells me that you can't choose your parents. Well, Lisa did have a choice in whom she could work for, so maybe she's the crazy one ;-) Or she should at least be in consideration for sainthood!) I took a lot of time yesterday to post my many jumbled thoughts. I felt guilty for not playing with [Older Daughter] and [Son] during that time, but in the end, I think it helped me a lot, which means that it benefits them as well. Nonetheless, the guilt of abandoning them for that time still bothers me, and I'm going to try to make some of it up to them by taking them to the children's museum today. I am not just saying it - I really appreciate and have tried to take to heart every single wonderful comment and email that I have gotten, and feel that they have truly helped me. I want to continue with the soul-baring later tonight after I get the kids settled in.