I appreciate the kind words that I've gotten so far via email.
Although I am not doing this to seek love or attention, I would appreciate comments here on the blog as well. This is because I am using this as the journal my last counselor wanted me to do. She also wanted affirmations in the journal.
When I get depressed, I want to be able to go back and look at the journal to straighten out my thoughts, and to see the feedback.
Thanks so much to all of you!
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Oh yeah! I have pictures...duh! We went to that freaky horror restaurant at Grapevine Mills Mall. Not there anymore...too bad. I've always enjoyed scary stuff. Halloween being my favorite holiday and all...I'm sure that's worth at least a session. :)
ReplyDeleteTalking definitely helps, and I personally think talking amongst friends beats the hell out of talking to a shrink or a therapist. I have a friend that I talk to daily and we keep each other's spirits up by sharing our crap. Sometimes it's almost a game to see who has the shittiest story. And just when you think things can't possibly be more whack....
What makes me most sad is to see how you refer to yourself in such negative terms. Although I do totally understand where it comes from. I guess I finally took the attitude that I'm not fucked up...elements of my life are fucked up because some sick people in my life fucked it up for me. They're the fuckers...not me. I just refuse to let THEM define ME any longer. I know I talk like I have the answers, but of course I don't. I just realized that the only way my life was going to get any better was if I did something about it, because waiting for an answer was getting me nowhere. I've always been the person that was an absolute cheerleder for everyone else, probably because it gave me a distraction from my own life and problems. It was really hard for me to do, but my first step was deciding to be selfish. Yep, SELFISH! I've never done it before. I've never thought enough of myself to dedicate any time to myself. I was tired of being unhappy and decided I needed to take of me and those in my life could either understand or step aside. Those who went with me cared about me, and those that stepped aside were mostly negative influences on my life anyway who were unhappy to lose their control over me. Yes, a lot of people were cut out...done...finished...for example a certain friend I had with the initials A.B. in college. And I feel so much better for it. I need to tell you the story of the bloody knife in bed. That was my depressive rock-bottom. The fact that I was alive at the end was definitely a turning point for me!
I can definatly relate to you. Its pretty much the story of my life. I always felt alone but your stories really help others cope too. dont balme yourself for bad upbringing. youre a great person
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I agree with G that talking with others helps more than with a therapist. It's harder to do, but like all hard things, it has better pay-off. I understand why you refer to yourself in the negative: because that's how you're feeling. I also know you think better of yourself in better times. Remember and hold on to that.
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